an emptiness

Problem 1:

Why we need to justify every single decision in our life that absolutely and solely related to ourselves to others? That is what I am thinking now. At this particular moment of time.

As I love and sometimes have to please people around me, it makes me feel guilty even in making my own decision, I mean for myself. Is that necessary to list out thousands of reason to people so that they can understand me or/and why I have to take this action and why I have to make that decision.

(ie. kenapa saya gigih menulis dalam bahasa Inggeris sedang saya terhad perbendaharaan kata, punya kesalahan tatabahasa dan tunggang langgang pula ayatnya?)

 

Problem 2:

I juz love sharing. Sharing my future and my plans and my current moods and emotions. I’m sharing those things as if they’re listening to me. As if they care about me. I believe by having done that way of expression of feelings more or less it can alleviate my pain and sorrowness. Hopefully.

This ‘entah merapu apa-apa punya entry’ is also one of my way to share with you readers (if any) that when I share something  it doesn’t mean that I am seeking an attention (or am I?). I have no body to talk to. Yes, I mean no body. I’m alone. When I get hurt or upset, I don’t know where to go and pour my tears on.

And when I feel I have nothing to be proud of as compared to what you have. To whom I should talk about this thing to?

To conclude;

This entry is dedicated to no one. So, just read and blah.  I am trying to convey a message that I am alone and unaccompanied yet I don’t need anybody to accompany me or to make me happy.

I used to be this way. Pretend like I am happy and having a lot of friends and feel like I am being cared and loved. I am creating my own world and it’s only me living in it.

I am nobody and have nobody. I know. Don’t say it. I know.Please!

2 thoughts on “an emptiness

  1. Have faith in Allah..HE know you better than anyone can be.. Worst, may be you are born to be hurt..but you are not born to hurt.. Its better this way..huhu.. HE might have sumthng for you at the end of this story..Keep on believing..

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