dunia gelap

This is for Abah.

I know he can hear me. I know he’s always there for me. Whenever I need him. So, Abah, do listen to this. From your son. Your youngest son.

I’ve been struggling to live without you by my side. And it has been 9 years. 9 years!!I know that you can see every single thing that I’ve been through. And it’s a lot. You know that all this while, after you have gone, I’m alone.  You know that.

Albeit you are not here, with me, I know your spirit and prayers always be with me. Thank you.

And now, I’m not okay. And I want you to hear this. My laments and sorrows. Because, you can understand me. And will never misunderstand me. Sharing with you all this perhaps soothing me.

I am obviously not a good man. I know. And that makes me despair. No matter how hard I try, the outcome would be still the same. People will not like me, will not accept me, as how you do.

I miss you. Don’t leave me. I have no body to lean on.

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