Compunction

I listen to Maher Zain, Insha Allah whenever I feel I don’t have any hope to live. I feel relieved for I know that Allah will always accept repentance as long as we sincere and promised not to repeat the sins.

But, somehow I feel like there’s no more chance for me. I keep sinning. Repent for a moment, and later do the same offence again.

Sometimes, I think I lied to him, more frequent than  I lied to His creatures. How sinful! I promised to be a good Muslim. I promised to practice what is religiously right and promise to leave what is religiously wrong.

And these promises been haunting me. Reminding me that I don’t have much time. I need to hurry. Or I will be thrown into a wild and unbearably violent hell-fire.

Today is already Zulhijjah. I am now 26. I think I have not been heeding to His commandments . I am scared that the punishment will come to me soon. I am afraid that He will take me before I am ready. I am frantically worried that my ibadah will not be accepted.

I hope this penitence will last long. I need to be more careful. This feeling definitely helps me to remember Him in my every breath.

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