Wednesday

Today is Wednesday. This is not a normal Wednesday that I used to have. May be, because of the news I received this afternoon that my aunt has passed away. May be.

Though I was not that close with her but her leaving does affect my emotions. Too many things I ponder since receiving the news. I thought a lot about my late dad, my late grandpa, my late granny and those who have left me. 

I am not very sure how strong I could be before my loved ones leaving me alone. I am not sure either how long could I survive independently without them assisting me. 

When my dad was still around, I love to chat with him with regards to these matters. I admitted to him that I couldn’t live without him. I expressed my worries endlessly that I would be dying without his guidance. But still he left me.

The moment when he left me I just thought only about my being. 

I struggled to live. It was hard. It taught me to grow exponentially faster. 

But now, I perceive the leaving of my loved ones quite differently. I am very afraid that Allah will take me when I am not ready. I am just not ready to see the life after death.  

The good part of all these things is, every time I heard of death,  I would be more cautious about my every deed. 

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