I am in the lab, alone. Got some works to finish, before I can really go home, seeing you, Iona. Wait, I will be there in no later than 6.
You were not feeling well the last few days. You had fever. Your body temperature was 39 degree celcius. I was constantly worried that I opted not to go to lab, on Monday.
I was concerned because I did not want anything happens to you. Or rather, I did not want the same thing happens you, again. It is not that I don’t believe in your babysitter, my sister, whom I entrusted to look after you, but I seriously thought that I need to be with you.
Our Monday was going well. We had fun reading books and dancing and eating. It has been awhile since we did all these activities together, right?
I am sorry I can not be with you all the time. I am sorry that our quality time has been eroding. No, it is not what I want. But this is a sacrifice that I and hopefully, you need to do, so we can have a better life later.
I have works to do. So does Ibu. We go out as early as 6.30 and came back home 12 hours after that. We have only little time to spend with you. I, myself, have a lot of things to be done because I need to graduate on time, or else, I have to support my studies, myself. And that would be very difficult. I have to spend a lot of time outside doing labworks or doing some readings or writings. I hope you can understand this.
But when you were ailing, I was very frantic that I had to check your temperature every hour to make sure that it did not roar so high. I was very afraid that fitting would hit you again. I will try my best to keep you safe and healthy. Only Allah knows how lunatic I could be, if you have to go through that same ordeal.
But as a human being, I can’t stop if it is destined that Allah wants to test us again. Likewise, I had no capability to refuse the trials that we had gone through last year. It hurts me terribly when people keep blaming me for what had happened to you. It hurts me even more when people heartlessly do that to your Ibu, my beloved wife.
As a parent, unequivocally, we do not want anything bad happens to you. We can’t even bear seeing you having flu, not to mention, the grieves that we had to endure witnessing you fighting for your life.
The pain is still here, deep in my heart. As a responsible parent, I took all the blames and I had promised myself to be a better parent. That’s why when you were not well, I would not hesitate to take leave and nurse you until you get better. There is no more compromise.You are my priority, above all.
Pray for me so I can finish my studies on time. So we can have plenty time together. I will read you more books. But, let me finish this first. It has encroached on our life that I can’t even have my own sweet time but I will make sure it will be under control.
I can not do this alone. Ibu has helped me a lot especially in boosting my spirit up every time I feel low. I am so lucky having her and you by my side. There’s nothing can replace you two. So, please bear with me.
Oh, ya, some people even mocked me, ” why did you write letter to your daughter that can’t even read?”
I know you can’t read now, but I am sure you will be able to read later. We don’t know by the time you have that ability I might have gone seeing God.
This is just me, your Abah, being himself. Expressing what he feels. Some of my friends call me melancholic, over-dramatic and too sentimental and sensitive that they find it obnoxious.
But I hope you are okay with that.