I had my first child when I was 29.
I didn’t consider my self young then because quite a number of my friends got married and had children even younger than me.
However, as time passes by, I begin to realize that after having 2 kids ( the second one was born last year, September when I was 33) that I am not really ready to be a father. And that I think I am still ‘young’ to be one.
Lo and behold.
Don’t get me wrong.
I love being a father to my daughter. I enjoy every moment with them.
When I say that I am not really ready to be a father (despite being one for 5 years), it means that I have not been a good one all this while.
Says who?
Me!
There are many things that happened in my life that I finally came out with that statement. This may seem to be another attention-screaming-entry from yours truly but hey, I am being me here. Hehe
The first thing that makes me believe that I have not been a good father is I don’t really spend quality time with my children especially after I started working since January this year.
I left home quite early and came back late.
And when I am home, I am left with likely 10% of energy and usually, with that amount of energy I would rush for shower and sleep.
I know, kids, especially at this age, demand attention and I fail to give one. Even during weekends, though I occasionally bring them out for makan-makan or something, I still think that it is still not enough, comparatively to the amount of time that I supposedly should have spent with them.
Secondly, I am not really sure what kind of parenting that I should adopt. I mean, I believe every family has their own way in raising up their kids. Asian or western style of parenting?
Should I be punishing my kids for not listening to my instructions?
Or what kind of punishment that is deemed right and legal to be carried out?
Or do I have such prerogative to even giving orders to my own offspring?
Hey, this really bogged me down, seriously, I am not kidding.
So, yes, since I, as a parent also am still clueless on what methods to be used to raise up my kids, so I consider myself not a good parent.
Plus, when I look around me, most of the young parents are well-equipped with parenting knowledge that they carry out their duties so effortlessly and it works perfectly, I presume?
Thirdly, and this probably the last point.
People say children don’t listen, they emulate.
So, parents are constantly being watched by their own chidlren. We are not allowed to screw up, not even once.
And seriously, I screw up a lot.
I am sure I have not been giving good examples though I tried very hard to.
If my kids are growing up well, I happily give all the credit to my wife because she looks to be better at handling them than me.
But as I always say, the best I can do is pray to Allah because He knows best. I can only do some trials and errors, experimenting this and that and I hope Allah will always be there correcting me when things go wrong.
Insha Allah.
Till then, bye!
SNA 