Adzan could be clearly heard from the where I sit now. Rain has been romantically falling on the roof creating a novel rhythm.
That is the part that I love about rain that she is honest.
She doesn’t really seem to care whether its presence brings essence of sadness.
I don’t think that people appreciate her as much as I do.
Despite audible curses that she had to take from her haters she still wear that same sweet smile every time she comes down and sees me. She would always make time to sit next to me whispering nonsense and leaving me with a soft kiss on my cheek.
When was the last time she came and visited me? I can’t really remember.
I love all the childhood memories and unspoken love that she carries.
This is the only way I can pick every memory from the wet air and play it the way I like with my bare hand.
And I cry.
Does this sound beautiful to you?
I love this.
How could people loathe rain? I can’t comprehend.
Look, she is the sole reason that forces me to be real.
I haven’t had this wonderful evening for some time.
Rain, love, memory and the pathetic innuendo.
A pretty combo.
Probably, this is one of the after-effects of watching countless motivational videos on YouTube. That you become doubtful about your existence.
I even started to observe the blood flows through my veins. I just wonder how this is even possible, that me exists!
This is just insane.
Really, who the hell we are?
What is the first thing that will come to your mind when I ask you that question?
You can be a lecturer, a husband, a father, a son and you might be wearing some other hats too.
But those are NOT the answers that I look for.
Who am I as a person?
Oprah said in one of her eye-opening speeches that we should be able to define ourselves as in who we are as a person?
She looked at it from the perspective as a media anchor. What kind of contributions that she could make to make life a better place?
What have we contributed to make life a better place?
Have we become better in the first place?
These are just rhetorical questions.
Me being me.
(Me laughing at myself for deactivating my social media accounts for umpteenth times)
Truth be told, this is my second time (kot?) doing this. The first one was quite successful as I had been idle for almost 6 months. I felt deliberated then.
Now, I want to be feeling the same again. Free and concern-free.
Having been active on social media does carry some negativities. This has been reported quite massively and it is not really uncommon.
You probably know much better than me.
But here are reasons why I deactivated my accounts
- I want to be real. I think that I have been more unreal due to my active engagement with social media. Worst, I start to become ideal. Detaching myself from this unrealistic realm hopefully will help me get my reality back.
- I want to spend more time doing real things. After deactivating my account I now have the opportunity to do activities that I haven’t done for sometime. Like, cooking and doing some house chores. Or even reading good books and articles. Now I know where have I been spending my time on.
- I want re-evaluate myself. This self revisit is something that I actually do every now and then. Like, assessing the intentions of sharing things on social media. Who I want to impress? Is that really me? Is that even necessary? Honestly, I post things just for fun and most of the times to express my excitement i.e. when I get any good news. But people misinterpreted. They may be right, I don’t know. So I need this time of evaluation to really examine my heart- how polluted has it been?
Ahh. I should’ve not even published this post justifying myself. But I just feel like I need to.
I need to constantly remind myself that whatever I do it must be purposeful.
I had my first child when I was 29.
I didn’t consider my self young then because quite a number of my friends got married and had children even younger than me.
However, as time passes by, I begin to realize that after having 2 kids ( the second one was born last year, September when I was 33) that I am not really ready to be a father. And that I think I am still ‘young’ to be one.
Lo and behold.
Don’t get me wrong.
I love being a father to my daughter. I enjoy every moment with them.
When I say that I am not really ready to be a father (despite being one for 5 years), it means that I have not been a good one all this while.
There are many things that happened in my life that I finally came out with that statement. This may seem to be another attention-screaming-entry from yours truly but hey, I am being me here. Hehe
The first thing that makes me believe that I have not been a good father is I don’t really spend quality time with my children especially after I started working since January this year.
Continue reading “PARENTING”
As promised, this is a continuation of lessons that I take from 2018.
- Be kind to everyone, especially those that seem to have problems with you. I bet, we must have known at least one person in our entire life that always have something against us. Like nothing that we do would please them. Right? Believe me, that we can’t get away from this kind of people. There is nothing we can do to change them, either. So, the only thing we can do is to change the way we act towards these people. How? Just be kind. Be a ray of sunshine. I know some of you are not a believer of the rewards that we are entitled to get in the life after death for the good deeds we do here (but I do). So, it (rewards) is not a good advice to give, though it is good for you to take. But being kind isn’t about rewards alone. It is also about the peaceful thinking and the tranquil state of feeling that we all desire to attain. If you find it hard to do good to these evil-hearted people, you can start by ignoring them (bad deeds, words etc). I can’t guarantee that they will stop harassing you but one thing for sure, you will be at peace.
- Everyone has their own way of life. This is really something that everyone has to agree. We have to accept that we can’t dictate the way people should live their lives as much as we don’t like them to intefere and impose their ways of life on ours. It is a common sense but since it is no longer even a sense for some people, I deem it is quite important for me to put a heavy emphasis on this. You may have been raised up well, with certain principles and rules, by your parents, which I have no problem with, at all. But please do not expect people to be installing the same principles of life. Just because it worked on you doesn’t mean it works on others too. So, if you see someone having a total opposite fashion of doing things, do not embitter them. Instead, calm your tits, brace every difference with an open heart.
- Be unassuming. We have our own strength. Things that God bestowed upon us with. It can be wealth, kids, looks, great careers, houses, handsome pay, qualifications- whatever. The bottom line is, don’t be a braggart that walks around boasting and showing off to people what you have. That is not the right way to translate thankfulness as I got this nonsense justification a lot from this people. Never belittle those people that you think less fortunate than you are. Everyone is going through their own struggles that you don’t have any idea about. Just because God had made your life easier, it is not a ticket for you to ridicule others. There is nothing immortal, everything has been set temporal. So, please have some respect.
That’s all for now.
Till we meet again in the next time.
Selamat Hari Raya. Maaf Zahir Batin.